Living in Havering, October 2019

When the USSR was a super power it was a closed society and MI6 spent a lot of time working out who mattered. They were called Kremlinologists. They studied official publications and May 1st parades. The Soviet newspaper ‘Pravda’* was invaluable. Meanwhile Havering has ‘Living in Havering’ a cut-price version of Pravda. Do MI6’s techniques help Havering’s citizens understand what’s going on (see addendum)?

Damian White’s personality cult is alive and well. Havering’s communications department needn’t worry about salt mines. This edition features Damian with eight photographs and three quotations**.

But which cabinet members should be looking over their shoulders? Damian’s has six cabinet members. Previous evidence pointed at Osman Dervish and Robert Benham as an ‘inner cabinet’. This edition has Osman enhancing his position with a cheery photo sharing a pint with Damian and two quotations. It’s all positive stuff. Robert? No photographs and an anodyne four line quote. Worrying times.

Joshua Chapman has two photographs. He’s lurking near Damian looking happy. The remainder of the cabinet aren’t photographed. Viddy Persaud has two quotations in compensation. Political submarine Jason Frost is invisible as is Havering’s ‘Grand Old Man’ Roger Ramsey. Multi-millionaire Roger was unavailable for photographs. Maybe he was counting his money?

To the uninitiated eye ‘Living in Havering’ is a Conservative party propaganda publication. The finest legal brains in the Town Hall disagree. Who could possibly argue?

Addendum: As tenants in tower blocks aren’t on the delivery list not every taxpayer in Havering is given the chance to ‘know’ what’s going on. Are they second class citizens? ‘Living in Havering’ allegedly serves every resident in Havering. Indeed this is their boast,
“Living in Havering is delivered to every home in Havering free of charge thanks to the support of our advertisers.” p4
Do advertisers know that coverage is deliberately incomplete?

* Pravda = Truth in English
** Analysing the syntax, grammar and sentence construction of cabinet member quotations suggests there’s only one author. If true, and that single author is a Havering employee, a full scale investigation is essential.

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